Saturday, June 2, 2012

Steampunk Etiquette?

So. I haven't updated in AGES! It is the curse of not having internets at my apartment.

However, I plan on another post today (on my wedding attire) and tomorrow--an update on my bridal bouquet and some preliminary purchases.

For now, however, I would like to share some interesting facts that I discovered while reading:

I have always adored etiquette, tradition, and well, Miss Manners. This book was written in 1995, and emphasizes politeness, unselfishness, and tastefulness.

It seems that Steampunk would adopt the Victorian etiquette in many respects, and I considered this book research as much as fun.

There are many things that I agree with, but I am certain Miss Manners would find our Steampunk wedding as "tasteless", "untraditional" and "show business". She advises against several things, or at least deems them "improper" that we are doing or plan on doing such as:

  • creating what she deems a "cast of characters"
  • the man wearing an engagement ring
  • not inviting children
  • sending Response cards with our invitation
  • having a wedding/honeymoon registry
  • requesting money (note that we had to bring it up in order to go through with the Threshold Plan)
But there are some traditions and ideas that have fallen by the wayside that should never have and that is: CONSIDERATION. Not only consideration for the bride and groom, but for guests and hosts as well. Some things like:
  • It is the guests' day as well as the B&G...the B&G should make sure their guests are comfortable and having a good time
  • Guests should respond promptly to an invitation (not just for weddings either)
  • Guests should not ask to bring other guests, nor assume that if the original guest is unable to attend, then their invitation is transferable (it isn't)
  • Do NOT bring uninvited guests to the wedding--including children.
  • The B&G should not ask for money nor should they expect gifts
  • Guests should be happy enough for the couple to offer a gift
  • Money bags are tacky--so are dollar dances.
  • Figure out WHO you want at your wedding, get a number and THEN decide what kind of wedding you can have
  • Guests should not wear black or white to an evening wedding (or a day) with the exception of Men's suits
  • Thank you notes should be handwritten by the bride or groom ONLY and sent RIGHT AFTER the wedding (or honeymoon)
Some general rules that are actually super helpful:
  • Do not bring gifts TO the actual wedding. Mail them or give them at the shower, if there is one.
  • You can mail wedding announcements to people who are "interested parties" but were not invited to the ceremony after the wedding
  • It is helpful to include name/address cards in the invitation (the post-wedding address and names)
  • We don't have to serve dinner 
  • You can invite coworkers who you socialize with outside of work
  • It is perfectly acceptable to use "rules" for the guest list (i.e. 1st cousins, not second cousins, no children under 12)
  • Guests only need to give the gifts they want. They should never be expected to or made to feel bad about the gift choice or lack thereof.
  • The proper way to word an invitation should include the "host"--usually the bride's family name (since the father traditionally paid for the wedding). But the couple can reword so that they are the hosts, and to be more inclusive, you can reword the invitation to include step parents if wanted as well.
  • Address invitations to the specific guests. If an invitation arrives at your home with one person's name and not another, assume that that other person is NOT invited. Only those who are named on an invitation are actually invited.
Somethings that are just interesting:
  • Male guests should be AS dressy as the groom. So if he wears a tux, so should they.
  • The groomsman and the groom should all be dressed the same in order to let the bride stand out. The groom can wear a different tie.
I thought it was a fun and interesting read...even if our wedding will be more theatrical than Miss Manners suggests. reflects who we are. I think that we will attempt to incorporate as much propriety and consideration into our nuptials as we can, and will consider exactly what traditions we include and what traditions we decide to ignore.